The Zoo, The Harness, and a Little Less Fear

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 Yesterday we took Wyatt and Sophia to the zoo.


I’d been looking forward to it - and dreading it. Autism parents know that feeling well. Your brain starts serving up a buffet of “what ifs”: What if he bolts? What if he melts down? What if people stare? I’ve been in therapy lately untangling how much I obsess over what people think - of me as a mom, a friend, a sister, a daughter. I worry I’ve upset someone. I worry I’m not liked. It’s exhausting.


Here’s what surprised me: our zoo trip validated what everyone keeps telling me - most people really don’t care. Not in a cold way, but in a freeing way.


I was anxious about using a harness for Wyatt. Full transparency: growing up, I judged parents who used them. It looked like they were treating a child like a dog. Then I had my child - a curious, fearless explorer who wants to see everything and doesn’t always look back. Safety suddenly wasn’t theoretical; it was the difference between a fun day and a missing child report.


My mom bought the harness. I kept flashing back to my old judgment and felt this heavy regret in my body. I didn’t know those families’ stories. Maybe they were just as scared as I’ve been - wanting their child to experience the world and also make it safely to the car at the end of the day.


And you know what? Wyatt did great.... in his own way. He was delighted by the giraffes, fascinated with the train ride, and yes, he had moments of overwhelm where he laid on the ground and needed time. Each time, I braced for the stares. I looked up… and people just kept walking. No whispers. No side-eyes. Just a path clearing for a kid who needed a minute and a mom doing her best.


It might not seem like much, but to me it felt like the world is warming up - more compassionate, more accepting of autistic kids and the families who love them. That harness wasn’t a failure. It was a tool that gave Wyatt the freedom to enjoy the day and gave me the peace to be present with him.


I left the zoo a little lighter. One fear checked off the therapy list. One old judgment laid to rest. And a reminder I want to remember next time the “what ifs” start lining up: most people aren’t watching me. They’re living their own lives. My job is to live ours.... safely, joyfully, and unapologetically!


If you needed to hear this today: use the tools your child needs. Let strangers think whatever they’ll think (if they’re even thinking about you at all). Your story, your safety, your child’s joy - that’s what matters. Yesterday, ours looked like giraffes, a harness, a couple of floor breaks, and a very sleepy ride home


Kerri 


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