Depression + Anxiety with an Autistic Child: Life Without Words

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I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for over ten years now - long before Wyatt was born, before I even met my husband. It’s almost like one day, when I was 18, my brain just decided to be sad. There wasn’t a reason, at least not one I could name. I remember sitting in my parents’ recliner, bawling my eyes out, crippled by anxiety I couldn’t explain.


My mom tried so hard to help me through it. She took me out for pottery painting, movie nights, shopping trips...anything to get my mind off the darkness that seemed to follow me everywhere. She didn’t understand why I felt the way I did, but she never gave up on me. She became my best friend during that time, my anchor when I felt like I was drifting.


Eventually, I connected with a psychiatrist. Ten years later, he’s still my psychiatrist. My mental health has had its ups and downs, but I’ve learned to ride the waves.


You might wonder why I’m sharing all this on a blog about my son and our journey with autism. The truth is, being the mother of a child with severe autism brings its own unique challenges - challenges that can weigh heavily on your mental health, especially when you’ve already fought those battles before.

Raising Wyatt is the greatest joy of my life, but it’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I am on high alert at all times. There is no off switch, no moment where my guard is fully down. Sometimes Wyatt hurts me.... scratches, bites, hits - not because he’s mean or malicious, but because this is part of our reality. Those moments are hard to explain to people who don’t live this life.

The stress, the fear, the exhaustion… they can easily push you into dark places. There are days where I question my strength, where I feel like I’m barely holding it together.


But here’s what’s different now compared to when I was 18 and drowning in sadness I couldn’t explain: I have something... no, three someones - to live for. Wyatt and Sophia are my pride and joy. My husband is amazing. They bring light to even my darkest days.

Yes, this life is hard. Yes, depression and anxiety still creep in. But my family makes every day beautiful in its own way. They give me purpose. They give me strength I didn’t know I had.

You’re allowed to struggle, you’re allowed to break down, and you’re allowed to ask for help. This journey isn’t easy, but our love for our children is what carries us through the storm.


And at the end of the day, even with the hard parts, I wouldn’t trade this life. Not for a second


Kerri


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