The Magnetic Pull of Water: Life Without Words

One of the things I’ve learned as an autism mom is that many autistic children have a strong attraction to water. It’s beautiful, but it’s also terrifying.

Last September, Wyatt and I were sitting next to my parents’ small koi pond. It was a calm afternoon, the kind where you let your guard down for just a moment. In the blink of an eye, that calmness shattered.

Wyatt leaned in too far and tumbled headfirst into the water.

I can still see it as if it happened yesterday - his little Hey Dudes floating on the surface while he thrashed upside down beneath the water. Time froze. It felt like an eternity before I pulled him out, though it was only a split second. That moment is burned into my memory.

Since that day, I’ve carried an almost paralyzing fear around bodies of water. We’ve avoided places with ponds, lakes, or anything that could pose a danger. Because with a child like Wyatt - who has no sense of danger.. the margin for error is nonexistent.

This summer, my anxiety kicked in again as the warm months approached. My mom (Grammie to the kids) has a swimming pool, and I knew the time was coming to face my fear head-on. I worried constantly: What if he slips? What if he panics? What if I can’t get to him fast enough?

Wyatt has been thriving in the pool. With his floaties on, he’s learning to move with confidence. He’s learning to swim. Every day he amazes me with his progress. The same child who once terrified me with how quickly he fell into the pond is now slowly gaining the skills that might one day save his life.

The koi pond incident is something I’ll never forget, and maybe I’m not supposed to. It reminds me how quickly things can change, how hyper-vigilance is part of this life, and how fear can coexist with pride.

This summer, Wyatt has not only learned to swim - he’s also teaching me to trust again, to let go (just a little), and to celebrate the milestones we often take for granted.

We’re not fully there yet. But we’re getting there! 

Kerri